hi!!! it's been over a month since my last post!!! i promise i'll try to post more often, it's just been a weird coupla weeks.
so far, my year has been alright i think?? there's a lot of weird things in the world happening right now, but in my personal life things have been pretty alright. i've been trying to Minimize Dread this year, so i guess you could call that my "resolution". what i mean by that is i want to stop indulging in the bad habits that make me miserable, and start doing productive and healthy things with that energy. for example, i am someone who is very prone to good old fashioned Doomscrolling, so i've been trying to read about things i like instead of things that would make me want to Die!!! it's been a bit of a slow process, but i think it's gonna get easier the more i do it.
another way i've been trying to make my life less bad is by cleaning my extremely gross depression room! for the past two years, i have been stacking trash upon trash upon trash, just feeling overall bad about myself and my living situation. after a big moment of "oh shit i should!! do something about this dilemna!!" i finally started really getting into it and getting everything gone!! i'm still working on it, but it definitely feels better to live in already.
about a week ago, after a long day of cleaning, i decided to check out a little game i've been meaning to play for ages called earthbound!! and i finished it yesterday!! without getting into spoiler territory, holy SHIT. genuinely one of the best games i have ever fucking played. the gameplay is awesome, the storyline is genuinely a masterpiece, and it's also fucking hilarious?? there was some sections i wasn't super fond of (for those who've played it, the entire mid-section of fourside to the pyramid in scaraba was kind of a drag for me), but ultimately an experience i will never forget. holy fucking shit. now i just need to get more into mother 3!!
now i'm gonna talk about mother 3!!! just about two years ago, i played the first few hours or so of mother three with my girlfriend at the time, who had introduced me to it. i really enjoyed it, but i had avoided it for a long time simply because thinking about that relationship (which was very mutually bad tbh) brought up a lot of bad memories for me. she had a very strong personal connection to the mother series, so getting into it was always gonna brush near old wounds, but luckily i think i've been able to stop the association in my head which is really good! it's really nice being able to cut ties with bad things from your past and taking it in as your own. i think that this very much ties into everything on my mind lately about, again, Minimizing Dread and moving on and whatnot. guess i'm doing spring cleaning early both metaphorically and literally!!
another Dread i've been trying to minimize is the one of, well, Everything Happening Right Now. as of today, possibly the most scummy person alive right now (and that's a VERY generous description) is now once again in control of the country i live in. to be honest, it's hard not to think too much about it without freaking the fuck out!! i guess i've been trying to minimize this dread by thinking about it as little as possible, while also staying informed about what's going on. i think there's a very fine line between keeping yourself sane and pure escapism, and, although hard, it's a line i'm trying my best to walk right now. to be frank, i'm mortified about what might happen in the next four years, and maybe even after! but i know that spending all my time in fear isn't going to do anything. there's still happy memories that i can make. i can still take walks even in the pouring rain. i think that things are going to be okay. i have so many people that love me that i can count on, and that can count on me in return.
and that leads me to this. if you are also facing this looming constant dread, please know that you are not alone. even in times like this, we have eachother. please stay alive. someone loves you. see you in the next entry.